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A little tale of a professor, a Marine, and Justice

An East Coast Ivy League atheist professor was teaching a university class and he told the class that he was going to prove that there is no God. He said, "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!"

Ten minutes went by, all the time taunting God, "Here I am, God. I'm still waiting."

As the last minute approached he smugly smiled.

A young US Marine just released from active duty and newly registered in the class walked up to the professor, hit him full force on the chin, sending him flying from his platform and crashing to the floor.

The professor struggled up, badly shaken and yelled, "WHAT'S the matter with you! "Why did you do that?"

The Marine replied, "God was busy; He sent The Marines."

Life is good...

SEMPER FI...........

YIKES! What blatant, barbaric, brutality! If you're shocked and appalled (NOT Bush's "Shock and Awe" mass-murder campaign) by this senseless act of intolerant savagery, then you might like to find out how this story REALLY ended. Read on to find out what happened next! (Caution: you might be VERY surprised!)

The professor (Dr. John Douglas Logan III, originally from Boston, MA) got up from the floor, calmly brushed himself off and walked over to the Marine. The students, who had all gasped in disbelief during the unprovoked assault, were now quietly whispering and a murmur was heard throughout the room. The professor looked out over the class and asked: "Who among you will act as a witness for me for the terrible act of savage aggression that we all just witnessed?" Without hesitation, EVERY SINGLE HAND was raised immediately, and there were many shouts of aid and support for the professor. The Marine swallowed hard. The professor, who was MUCH bigger and stronger than the scrawny Marine, grabbed the violent "Gomer Pyle-ish" soldier by the nape of the neck and lifted him single-handedly into the air like a baby kitten. In one circular motion, the professor pinned the Marine to the floor, and put him in a half nelson so there'd be no resistance. And there wasn't any. The Marine knew that his act of aggression had been met with a swift and even response, and he realized how wrong he'd been. The professor then asked if someone would be so kind as to call the local police so that the punch-happy Marine could be taken into custody. To his amazement, EVERYONE in the class got out their cellphones and began to call 911! In no time, the authorities arrived, and the professor asked that charges be pressed to the fullest extent of the law. He knew he'd have an open and shut case because of the great support he'd get from his students. The police cuffed and shackled the brawl-monger because, even though he said that he was a Marine, he wasn't in uniform, so his claims were suspect. After all, he'd openly and clearly just said that he was acting in the interest of something invisible, so he was clearly mentally unstable, and he might not even BE a Marine. He might even be a terrorist. The police just couldn't be sure, so they took no chances and maintained maximum security.

As the school year came to a close, the professor (who'd recovered from his bump on the chin), was invited to many parties and showered with affection as he was the most loved professor on campus. He then was awarded "Teacher of the Year" for his calm and thoughtful style, and his ability to inspire students to think for themselves and ask tough questions. A few days before classes recessed, the trial date for the loose-bazooka came, and it was THE place to be for a few short hours. After all was said and done by both sides, the judge returned from his chambers to pronounce sentence. Let's listen in!

"You may all be seated. Young man, you have been found guilty of the charge of aggravated assault on another human being. Do you have anything to say for yourself?" The man (who in fact, had been a Marine), began whining incoherently, and as no sense could be made of his rambling about God and other such things, the judge cut him off and continued. "Now son, you listen closely to what I have to say because this is serious stuff. What you did reminds me a lot of what happened to a friend of mine one time on Market Street in San Francisco. He was attacked with blatant, animalistic, uncalled for, violent aggression simply because he said a few words that the other fellow didn't like. And that's what you did. Well, I've got news for you mister. We have all agreed to live in a civilized society where we don't go around hitting people for what they say. ESPECIALLY if it's something that we don't like or agree with. Do you understand?" The Marine, now hunched over in his chair, trembling and sobbing, nodded that he understood what the judge
was getting at.

The judge continued: "A few hundred years ago there was a transformation on this planet. You may have heard of it. It was called The Enlightenment. A time had come where humans would forever after use their minds, through thought and reasoning, to arrive at conclusions to guide their lives. Through rational thought and logic we developed systems of thought and systems of law, which in turn guide us in our behavior and our daily lives. This system is why you sit here before me today instead of before a priest or other religious figure. From this tradition has sprung a freedom of intellectual inquiry without limits. It has also necessitated tolerance, responsibility and understanding. It does not negate disagreement, argument, anger or criticism. But it does prohibit the silencing of those which one opposes, and certainly never sanctions a violent act such as the one you've committed. In fact, we all must always be on guard to spot intimidation and physical attacks perpetrated against those who hold an unpopular viewpoint or are in opposition to a certain viewpoint. In fact, it is those very viewpoints that one disagrees with THE MOST that must be protected the strongest. I'd hoped that you would've understood this, but I don't think you're old enough, nor have you lived enough, to develop this sort of wisdom inside that numb skull of yours.

Mr. Marine, I have wondered why you did what you did. Only you know what happened inside your mind to precipitate this heinous act that you engaged in. I'd say that it was what we call "acting out" in young children. Every human has thoughts and desires, but we all can't act on every single one of them. We all learn, at a young age, to inhibit ourselves from taking anti-social actions. This is known as the process of "growing up". Now even though you aren't a child any more, I'd say that you have a lot of growing up to do, my friend.

You belonged to an organization, The Marines, which in its essence came into being as a DEFENSIVE organization. But you used it in an offensive way. Why? Have you taken after little Georgie Bush who turned defensive concepts around and justified them to launch horrible, murderous, offensive attacks? I don't want to get into the subject of the Foreign Policy of our country, but you need to learn the difference between offensive and defensive actions. What you did was offensive, and THAT'S a CRIME.

You joined a branch of the ARMED SERVICES, and were entrusted with the job of defending this country - its Constitution and its people- but you were not given the authority to walk up to them and hit them on the chin! The Country, my boy, is EVERYONE, all the people, including the professor! Let me ask you this, soldier: If a band of religious zealots attacked an encampment of atheists, whom would you defend? Well, I'll tell you the answer. Of course you'd defend the atheists because defense is your JOB! So, don't go around hitting any more atheists on the chin because you may just be called in to defend them someday!

You also made the claim that you were working on behalf of a "Supreme Being" because He couldn't be there. Now, did He or It TELL you what to do, or did you just take it upon yourself to act? Were voices talking to you inside your head? Does this happen often? Do you always obey them? Do you realize that this is also exactly what happens when religious people go on a 'jihad' or holy war? If you're really hearing voices, or carrying out the wishes of a voice in your head, you may be psychotic. You may need to go to an institution where other such people have to live. If you decided to carry out the wishes of this "God", then that's not good either. A bunch of people flew some airplanes into some buildings and killed a lot of people because they felt that they were carrying out the wishes of their God. I think you need some help boy. Big time.

That is all I have to say on this subject. You will now rise for sentencing". The Marine slowly stood up from his chair, and visibly shaking, awaited his fate, which would be decided by a CIVILIAN. (In whom the wise Founders had decided to place judicial decisions and all other primary governmental powers because of just this knee-jerk resort to violence that military people have been doing for centuries).

A hush came over the overcrowded courtroom that was filled to bursting with reporters and the entire class that witnessed the aggression on that fateful day. The judge spoke: "Before I pronounce your sentence, do you have anything to say for yourself?" The Marine looked contrite as he fidgeted and looked down at his feet. He spoke in a soft tone: "Yes. I'm sorry for what I did to the professor. For a brief instant, I became an unthinking, primitive, violent, barbarian brute, and I couldn't control myself. It might have had something to do with the fact that I received all of that 'killing' training while I was in the Marines. I still hear voices in my head, but now they're telling me to go dancing. That is all". The judge then cleared his throat and spoke loudly and clearly: "Mr. Marine-who-hits-atheists-for-nothing-more-than-their-words, I hereby sentence you, for as long as you shall walk this Earth, to spend your time as a guard. You will be stationed at the entrance to meetings, conventions, gatherings and other social events where the following people gather in groups to enjoy the company of like-minded individuals: Atheists; Agnostics;
Freethinkers: Rationalists; Humanists; Brights; Secularists. And any and all other groups, which may be a minority within our society, and may in fact, are very unpopular. These groups may even be hated by individuals or other groups who might wish to destroy their existence. Your job will be to guard and DEFEND these people. And never, ever, attack them for what they think or espouse. Your job is to DEFEND, no matter what orders you may be given by a superior, especially if that person is dangerously mad and intent on ruling the world through aggression. It shall be done! Now go out into the world and do what I have sentenced you to do. This court is adjourned."

A cheer went up and all the people filed out of the courthouse and went happily about their business. All was well for the Atheists, Freethinkers and everyone else of their ilk. The soldier changed his aggressive ways and stood guard for many years. Eventually, he passed away. But his spirit, the spirit of the PERSONAL DEFENSE of ones freedom of thought, lives on wherever these types of people gather. But more importantly, this spirit is forever embodied in the will and struggles to defend oneself, which lives on inside every person's heart and mind.

And everyone lived happily ever after.
The End

The pen is mightier than the sword, I always say! E-mail this to 10 people, << NO PLEASE DON"T! - THIS IS JUST TO EMBELLISH THE STORY>> and tell them to e-mail it to 10 more and so on. If you break the chain, your civil liberties may be lost. What was once supposed to protect us may well be punching us on the chin soon. The "world's policeman" seems to be turning into a Mafia hit-man for big-money interests and corrupt, insane, fascist politicians. One person broke the chain and some thugs in uniform broke down her door in the middle of the night and hauled her off as they chanted: "Do it for Dubya! Do it for Dubya! Yes Master! Yes Master!"

Yes, God is busy! She's got a Universe full of things to tend to, and getting involved in the day-to-day trivial affairs of humans is the last thing she needs. What with galaxies colliding, volcanoes erupting on planets and Jupiter's moons, and life beginning and evolving all over the place, She hopes that humans would be able to "all get along" using the minds they've evolved. Hopes.........
Still don't get it? 11.May.2005 13:02

Dr Memory

>>A bunch of people flew some airplanes into some buildings and killed a lot of people because they felt that they were carrying out the wishes of their God. I think you need some help boy. Big time.<<

Isn't it amazing how many people continue to believe this uncomplicated myth?

Wow Doc 11.May.2005 15:35

just a citizen

You couldn't say "Nice parable" or something? How about "Gee I think this ought to be printed in Stars and Stripes" ? I agree about the 9/11-was-an-inside-job thing, but don't you think about anything else?

to just a citizen 11.May.2005 17:17

why do you think...

... every criticism has to be softened with praise?

You're certainly free to compliment the article if you like it.

I was totally going to send the story to my parents, until the part with the myth about the 19 hijackers. It ruined the article for me.

OK, nice article! Other than that!

Yeah, yeah, okay... 12.May.2005 08:43

just this guy, y'know

Yeah, yeah, I know the evidence, debate, whatever, surrounding the 'New Pearl Harbor'/ ein Neues Richstag Feuer. That's not the point. I still like using the 'myth' when I chat with Kool-Aid drinkers citing as a manifestation of a 'faith-based initiative'. Use anything you can to get their attention, and once that happens, move on with the rest, eh? Sorry if the little parable wasn't 100%, but, hey, it's just a little tale, not a news report.

Other than that, thanks for paying attention