portland independent media center  
images audio video
newswire article announcements portland metro

immigration | labor

Mitt Romney Fund Raiser coming to town!

Mitt Romney Fund Raiser coming to Portland, July 11th. This event costs $2,500 per person or $5,000 per couple. It will be at the fabulous home of John Bradley, at 2645 NW Beuhla Vista Terrace in Portland's wonderful West Hills.
Attention one and all, to the people of Portland, Oregon!

The one and only, fabulous Aristocrat, Artist and All-around-wonderful-guy Mitt Romney will grace this city with His presence on Monday July 11th in the year of Our Lord 2011.

Presidential Hopeful, Tea-Party fan, and Champion of Business, Mr. Willard Mitt Romney will be attending a private fund raiser hosted by Kim and John Bradley. Mr. & Mrs Bradley are the people building your quaint town, and Mr. Bradley is the Honorable President of R&H Construction. Also in attendance will be local celebrities, those with Private Dignity, and fabulous figures such as former Senator Gordon Smith, former gubernatorial candidate Ron Saxton, state Represnatives Kevin Cameron and Shawn Lindsay and former congressional candidates Scott Bruun and Rob Cornilles. In attendance will also be members of Portland's employer class, Columbia Sportswear President Tim Boyle, Schnitzer Steel Chairmen John Carter, ESCO President Steve Pratt, and famous Vacuum Innovator Mr. John Somarakis! To ensure you understand the grandeur of this event, I have been instructed to provide a copy of the Invitation ( link to media.oregonlive.com ) - though, quite obviously, none of you are invited.

The home of the Bradey's has a wonderful view of the city (  http://www.joniphotoblog.com/portland-center-stage-at-the-bradleys/ ) and so I have been asked to communicate to you, our workers, the importance of pleasing persons of interests presiding in Portland, Oregon. Here, as a representative, I have my humble requests:

First, would you please tidy up the place, and do something about that smell? The tickets to this event cost $2,500 a person, or $5,000 a couple. Our Persons of Honor will not want their pictures soiled with the likes of you people in the back ground in your current state, so please police the trash and make sure none of you undesirables are in view. It would be quite noble of all of you to show your respect to the air by bathing more regularly.

Second, please remove your Marxists, homeless, unorderly, and general trouble makers. We, the Leaders of this town spend of our fortunes insuring you people have jobs to keep yourselves busy in your doldrums. In exchange for our generosity, you fund a government and we pick the leaders. Mr & Mrs Bradley have a history of contributing to both the Democrats and the Republicans, ensuring that you have two parties to keep you contented and complacent so that you may enjoy the simplicity of your lives. These political donations come at quiet the cost to our personal fortunes, and unsettling comments and calls for shan't be allowed: the time we spend pacifying you with bureaucracy is very valuable to us, as we would much rather spend our time in Gardens and Other Private Lovely Areas. It would be much easier for us to simply remove this government rather than dance around it. Think of the cost savings alone!

Third, please stop complaining, it is undignified in the utmost! We will make more jobs for you, but we can't do it with all of this government regulation. I know you won't understand this because most of you here have no money, so let me provide an example: When Mr. Bradley closed off a street last year to add a guest house to his 3.2 million dollar property, many citizens, including one or two pesky journalists, raised a brow of discontent. But how? The guest house was shockingly small, and the impact very minimal: only one public bus line had to be rerouted and one street closed. Mr. Bradley is of a higher class in that he is of the "hiring" class - he hired his own construction company and thus ensuring employment for the many dwellers who count on him for monies. If the street laws were not in place, we would not need to pester the government and they could go about orderly controlling other things. Yet, time was wasted, money squandered, and all to appease regulations that have no business in our orderly neighborhood. A good citizens would understand, the TriMet 18 line is for high-class "eco-conscious" citizens only, we made due innovation, as our class often does - for that week we rode a bike.

Now, if you follow our advice your city might be welcomed and wanted. We might add you to the list of fine Dignified, and Respectable cities in which our Elites can play.

Thank you,
Quiddus T. Farkwinlke

(P.S. Will you please update the "Topic of Article" to include "Addressing the Unwashed Massse". - thanks Quiddus)