BOSTON - Leading researchers evaluating a study of steroid use by America's police have concluded that steroid induced erectile dysfunction combined low IQ and psychopathy are the root of America's police violence epidemic. While this is the primary cause, racism and penis envy likely contribute to the selection of targets - primarily black men - which explains why a disproportionate number of limp-dicked white police officers target young African American males. "Most steroid pumped limp-dicked white police officers feel inadequate in the presence of young black males and they use their guns to compensate," explained Professor Max Johnson of the the Erectile Dysfunction Institute in Boston. "Some white police officers go further, targeting African American women out of a twisted feeling of jealously over the attention they receive from real men."
We sent a reporter to the local Dunkin Donuts seeking an opportunity to interview a police officer for a response to the study, but the reporter was found hanged in a bathroom stall, his bruised body showing marks of pig hooves. Attempts to contact the local Chief of Police via telephone have been thwarted as well, unable have we been to get past the greeting of "Hi, I'm the police chief, and I'm going to fuck you up the ass, leave a message and your employer's contact information at the beep."