Congress Scrawls Barely Legible Prescription To Help Big Pharma Get Bigger Boners
Congress yesterday approved the 21st Century Cures Act, a $5-billion prescription for curing cancer, with side effects that include possibly not curing cancer, as well as chronic vomiting of billions of dollars on pharmaceutical companies in giveaways and future dead people.
The bill enjoyed broad-cased bipartisan support, including from Pres. Obama, who is expected to sign it. Past treatments recommended by both consulting parties have included the Iraq War and deregulating Wall Street.
In addition to injecting billions of dollars into fighting cancer and drug addiction, the act significantly reduces FDA regulatory powers and standards for testing new drugs, raising the specter that new drugs may cause cancer and drug addiction. Pharmaceutical companies will now also be able to market their drugs for shit they were never intended or tested for, such as Prof. O'Gooligan's Tincture of Castor for Consumptive Coughs, Erectile Dysfunction, and Inoperable Brain Cancer.
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